Top 10 Signs That It’s Time to Get a New Agent

10. His email has changed to agent@folsomprison.org

9. His psychiatrist calls to ask if you’ve seen or heard from him.

8. You see him in the post office, but it’s on a wanted poster.

7. He can only stay on the phone for 30 thirty seconds because he’s afraid “they” are listening.

6. His only other client is Martha Futzenheimer. Who, you ask? Exactly.

5. He refers to himself as Mr. Giggles. This is really bad if your agent is a woman.

4. The only time you saw him face to face you couldn’t get a word in because he kept repeating, “I’m a very good driver.”

3. A commercial for COPS comes on and your agent is the featured story. (Bad boys, bad boys…)

2. You go to a writer’s conference and all the other authors laugh and point when they find out who your agent is.

1. You read this list and eight out of the ten things listed fit your agent.

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Branching Out

I never imagined when I started on this writing journey, how much would be involved outside of writing. Things like marketing, promoting, and. . .blogging. It can be a bit overwhelming.

Or it can be exhilarating.

Just this weekend, I spoke to a group of authors about committing themselves to their work. One of the ladies approached me afterward to tell me how inspired she felt. It was then that I realized that while speaking engagements are an important part of marketing my books, they can also be a way of encouraging and witnessing to other writers—a task that I can see God was preparing me for even in high school.

I had a teacher named Barbara Burmeister my freshman year. A very creative woman, Mrs. B, as we called her, loved teaching drama and theater arts. She encouraged me to try out for a school play, from which commenced a four year relationship that often involved her signing me up to speak to women’s clubs and community groups. I did more veteran’s programs and rotary dinners than I can remember. Every time I passed her in the hall she told me about another event she’d enlisted for me. But it wasn’t until this weekend that I appreciated her for it.

“You’re such a confident speaker,” one woman told me. “Thank you so much for sharing your time with us.”

And I thought of Mrs. B.

Right then, I whispered a prayer of thanks for this energetic woman who never let me pass up a chance to speak in front of people. In so doing, she helped the Lord prepare me for what lay ahead.

“If God has called you to write,” I told the ladies this weekend, “then He will equip you to write.” I didn’t add that He would also equip us to market, promote, and speak. I smiled as I drove home from Louisiana, realizing that He even spoke to me through this little class.

I’m no longer afraid of branching out because I know that God has been preparing me for everything He has in store. I may still have an attack of nerves now and again, but what a great blessing to realize I serve an awesome God, one Who has seen and planned all of my days.

And maybe, just maybe, He’ll be able to use me to prepare someone else.

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Manic Monday--On Tuesday

Ever have one of those days—the kind that starts out at full throttle and doesn’t slow down until the next morning? So what do you do when you’ve got proposals to write, speeches to prepare, marketing tools to make and no time to do it?

Plot. Plan. Schedule.

Whatever you call it, the key is to get organized. . .and not to panic. I started out yesterday with several items on my calendar, all of them screaming for my attention. I worked feverishly, trying to get them all done at once. Since I’m posting this today, you know how well that went.

So I tried a different tactic. I tackled every thing the way I would if they were piled up on my desk at work—one at a time. Rather than worry about what wasn’t done, I complimented myself on the three Max’isms I was able to finish, the blog article I completed, the marketing items I prepared for Saturday’s class, and the three pages I added to my wip. Added to that, I worked on a review I’d been putting off since Christmas. While there is still plenty on my plate to keep me busy, I’m not feeling the pressure the way I did yesterday. Must be because I got so much done. Or maybe…

Did I forget to mention prayer? There I sat with my blank computer screen staring at me and no words flowing from my fingertips. Just when I thought I was ready to give up and pitch the whole thing into the trash, an encouraging thought came to me. Pray.

“Lord,” I said, “I’ve got four articles to write and not a single idea for any of them. Help?”

And just like that, I felt myself relax. Suddenly the ideas started flying. The words appeared as if by magic, and all of the stress I’d been feeling about not having anything done vanished.

Call it a light bulb moment.

All of a sudden I remembered what God said about equipping us to do the tasks He has called us to do. No more Manic Mondays for me. From now on, I’m starting with prayer.

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My Favorites

As far back as elementary school, I’ve always had at least one teacher whose standard answer to every question was, ‘look it up.’

If I asked how to spell something, they said, ‘look it up.’ Now wait a minute. How in the heck am I going to look up a word I don’t know how to spell?

If I asked who the 13th president of the United States was, they said, ‘look it up.’ Does that mean that they didn’t KNOW who the 13th president was?

Irritating as it was at the time, that ‘look it up’ philosophy has proven to be very beneficial. Now that I’m writing full time, I find myself ‘looking it up’ more than ever. Here are three of my favorite sites, places I go time and again whenever I find myself having to research.

1. Wikipedia Who’d thunk it? After all those years of looking it up in World Book, my favorite source for online research would be another encyclopedia! But this is so much more than your average fact book. Besides pages and pages of helpful information, this nifty site includes more than your local library with its Help Desk, Reference Desk, multiple language capability and Community Portal. Got a question? Post it on Wikipedia’s bulletin board. Also, be sure to check out all of Wikipedia’s sister sites, including Wiktionary and Wikiversity.

2. DEA – Official site of the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration. What better place to research illegal drugs, law enforcement, or drug policy, than from the pros themselves? Referred to me by an actual police officer, this site has proven to be a valuable tool, full of beneficial information. Best of all, I know it’s accurate.

3. The Writer’s Medical and Forensics Lab Okay, so unless you’re a medical examiner, you probably don’t know how long it takes for rigor mortis to set in, or what the effects of monkshood are on a person’s nervous system. But this guy does, and let me tell you, he’s good. Post your question, wait anywhere from a few hours to a few days, and voila! He’ll email you back with a detailed answer to your question, as well as offer suggestions for tricky scenarios and twisted plots. Not to mention he has several books available for purchase. I’m adding two of them to my wish list!

And that’s it, the short list. I’ve got lots of places bookmarked, but these are by far my top three ‘go to’ places on the web. How about you? Care to share your favorites?

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RE: ICU (Inspire, Commit, Undertake)

The holidays can make you feel like a candidate for the intensive care unit. Amidst all the parties and fun is the stress of late nights and early mornings. Mingled with the pleasures of family and friends are travel bills and rich fattening foods. So how does one recover from a month of pressure and splurging? A simple method I call RE: ICU.

It starts with rediscovering your inspiration. What led you to want to write? For me, it was a seed of knowledge planted deep inside my heart, an undeniable pull to pen something that glorified my Lord and Savior. So before I can get back into the groove of working on my wip, I need to get back in touch with the One who called me to write!

How do I do this? I’m convinced the only way is to spend time with God, both in prayer and in His word. What better way to ignite my imagination than to spend time with the Master Creator? If I’m true to Him, I can rest assured that He’ll be true to equip me for the task He’s laid before me.

Also, I must be ready to re-commit myself to the job. Anybody who has been married for more than a year knows that maintaining a strong, thriving relationship requires a daily recommitment to the purity of their marital vows. So it is with the call to write. That initial excitement that came when I sat down to write my first novel has long since faded. Now, maintaining my love for writing means recommitting myself daily to the job God has set before me, and prayerfully seeking Him for the desire, the energy, the call to write.

Lastly, be prepared to re-undertake that project you set aside before the holidays. How easy it is to allow days, weeks, even months to slide by as we busy ourselves putting away decorations. Before long, the habit we so carefully cultivated before Christmas is lost and we pluck away at our keyboards, unhappy with our effort, yet unable to shake ourselves from our apathy. What is the answer? You guessed it. . .prayer. Without it we can do nothing. With it, we find the courage to undertake the most daunting of tasks. With it, we find confidence in an ability beyond ourselves. With it, we have the strength to spend hours in quiet solitude, staring at our computers until the words and inspiration begin to flow.

Still feel like a candidate for ICU? I know I do. But this year, it’ll mean Re-Inspiring, Re-Committing, and Re-Undertaking the call God gave me to write.

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The Gift

“Jordan, please don’t kick the box.” I stifled a sigh of exasperation as I said the words, irritated at having to remind the little boy yet again that the noise was a distraction.

It was the last rehearsal before the annual Christmas play, put on by the children of our church for as many years as I could remember. This year, I’d volunteered to direct the presentation. I’d done it in Christmas’ past, but enough time had gone by to allow my memory to lapse and make me forget what a trial it could be working with small children. Still, I was beginning to feel the pressure of corralling twenty kids and make them appear as little angels for their parents.

“Can someone sit by Jordan and make sure he behaves?” I tried not to let the words appear harsh, but with only fifteen minutes to go before the presentation, I was more than a little stressed.

“I’ll do it,” a volunteer said.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I turned my attention to the soloists. Forty-five minutes later, the production over and the applause given, I felt a tug on my bright red Christmas sweater.

“Miss Lisa—”

“I’m sorry, Jordan. Can you hang on for just one minute? I’ve got to give the invitation cards to Pastor. I’ll be right back, okay sweetie?” I rushed to catch up with our Pastor who was headed toward his office.

“It went well, Lisa. Thanks for all your hard work,” Pastor said.

We chatted for a moment, excited over the positive response the musical received. Afterward, several people caught me in the hall, and parents stopped to exclaim over how much they enjoyed the play. Several held up camcorders and promised to make me copies. In the excitement, I forgot all about Jordan. That is, until the volunteer who kindly sat beside Jordan to keep him from kicking the box he sat on walked up. With a kind look, she held out a ragged red bag that had probably seen several Christmas seasons.

“Here you go,” she said. “It’s from Jordan. His grandmother had to pick him early, so he couldn’t stay for the party. She said to tell you thank you.”

I took the bag, fingers trembling at my thoughtlessness. Jordan didn’t have parents, at least none that I knew of. He lived with a grandmother and a handful of cousins in a tiny little house on the outskirts of town. How could this sweet woman possibly have afforded a Christmas present?

But the gift wasn’t from Jordan’s grandmother. It was from Jordan. Inside was candle, half burned, with a crack on the side. Next to it was a card, written in Jordan’s childish script.

“Miss Lisa, thank you for doing our play. I like to hear you sing.”

Tears flooded my eyes. In all of the uproar, Jordan alone actually stopped to hear the music.

Now as you’ve probably guessed, Jordan is not his real name. I’ve changed it protect his identity. But the thoughtfulness of this one small child is real, and so is the change that his precious gift wrought upon my heart. Jordan’s candle sits on my desk, serving as a symbol of how much I have to be thankful for, but also to remind me that my Heavenly Father’s gift is something to be shared not only at Christmas, but all the year through.

Thank you, Jordan. I will always treasure your gift.

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Plotting Through the Holidays

It all started innocently enough…our music director asked if I could direct the children’s Christmas play.

“Sure,” I said. “No problem.”

After all, it wasn’t like I had a million things to do this year. I’d learned to say no over the past twelve months, turning down committees and paring down my responsibilities until I felt confident that Christmas, 2006 would be an entirely different experience from years past.

Until…

Suddenly, obligations started flying out of the woodwork. A teacher who’d asked me to sub for him when needed suddenly…needed. A lot. The adult choir decided to put on a Christmas spectacular and I was given a solo. A dear friend thought it might be nice to have a holiday concert complete with musical acts and quartets and she asked me to open. Not to mention the parties—one at work; two, no, three, at church; my husband’s company Christmas…the list goes on.

Like a novel unfolding, the conflict rose. What happened to all that writing time I thought for sure I’d be enjoying? Where did all those extra hours I’d counted on having in order to meet my personal deadlines go? And WHERE does one go about finding a low priced IPod for their child??

Needless to say, I needed to get organized, quick. So I started plotting…er…scheduling each day, giving myself just enough time to do those last minute edits and still get some writing of my own done. Rather than let my writing time fall to the bottom of my to-do list, I moved it near the top and cut out a few of the extras, like canceling that Christmas special I’d planned to watch and stringing a few less lights on the eaves of my house. We’ll probably order pizza more often this month, but I figure the time I save staying out of the kitchen will be well worth it come January when I’ve added several chapters to my wip. Thankfully, I have an understanding husband and kids who love pizza. And we can all be a little merrier, knowing I won’t be playing catch-up over the holidays.

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