Things to Ponder

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light" ?

12. Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?

14. Why do 'overlook' and 'oversee' mean opposite things?

15. Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you

know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

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Women's Compact Instruction Book

Rule #1 - Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

Rule #2 - Don't imagine you can change a man-unless he's in diapers.

Rule #3 - What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

Rule #4 - If they put a man on the moon-they should be able to put them all there.

Rule #5 - Tell him you're not his type-you have a pulse.

Rule #6 - A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay.

Rule #7 - Men are all the same-they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

Rule #8 - Women don't make fools of men-most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

Rule #9 - The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

Rule #10 - Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Rule #11 - The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.

Rule #12 - If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

Rule #13 - Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

Rule #14 - Sadly, all men are created equal.

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State Slogans

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes ... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Bars and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ...

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family ... Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and so are the Women!!!

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Top 10 Women's Tee-shirt Slogans

10. Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?

9. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

8. Please don't make me kill you.

7. And your point is...

6. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now.

5. Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.

4. All stressed out and no one to choke.

3. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

2. How can I miss you if you won't go away?

1. Don't make me mad! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

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The Strange and Wonderful World of Publishing

Ah...writing.

When I started this journey, I had no idea the twists and turns the road would take. Just this week, for example, I received two emails that typified the highs and lows of publication.

The first was from my agent on a proposal we sent out based on Ellis Island. The first publisher said pass, which really stunk, because no matter how many books you publish, rejections hurt!

The second publisher is "still looking."

Believe it or not, that is really good news. Editors are not going to waste their time on books they can't seriously consider, so if one says they're looking...that's a good thing.

The second message came from my editor at Barbour regarding books two and three of my mystery series. After months of no news, it now appears these books will NOT be released as an omnibus. Instead, they will be released as single titles next year (tentative dates are May and November, 2011). What a surprise!

Barbour has plans in the works for a new line of books that will incorporate a few of the mysteries formerly contracted for Heartsong Presents. Hometown Mysteries is the series name being bandied about. I can't wait to see the final direction Barbour decides to take on this. I'll keep you updated!

Anyway, my point is this...there are highs and lows that come with pursuing your passion. Having taught a lesson just last night on the benefits of perserverance, I guess I'll just keep a steady supply of chocolate on hand and keep plugging along.

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Christmas Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great and Merry Christmas!!

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New Bookcover!

It's always so much fun when I get to see my latest bookcover. This one is the mock-up for my Summerside Press book, Love Finds You in Calico, California, set to be released in July, 2010. While the cover is not definite, I've already fallen in love with it. Sure hope my publisher decides to use it!

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