The Greatest Country and Western Songs of All Time

* Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure* I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life* I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.* I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You* I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck* If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You* If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will* Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)* My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field,...

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To Exercise or Not to Exercise

1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month.2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 70 and we don't know where she is.3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hide when it's time to do housework.4. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400....

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Mothers of Famous People

The following are some little known quotes from the mothers of famouspeople in history:MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent onbraces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still couldhave written!"MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Doyou have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"NAPOLEON'S MOTHER:...

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30 Ways to Say No

I'd love to, but...1: I have to floss my cat.2: I've dedicated my life to linguini.3: I want to spend more time with my blender.4: The President said he might drop in.5: the man on television told me to stay tuned.6: I've been scheduled for a kidney transplant.7: I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.8: It's my parakeet's bowling night.9: It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.10: I'm building a pig from a kit.11: I...

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